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DYSFUNCTIONALITY

Quick disclaimer: I am not in any way, shape or form supporting staying in abusive situations nor am I providing solutions to them (please seek help from the right people if you need one). My aim is to share my perspective on the character building aspect:)


A lot of the time when we observe or experience dysfunctional relationships, we often want to put the blame on the person who’s kinder, the one who’s merciful and takes it all in; the one who makes adjustments.


We’ll say, "Oh, how can someone take that much rubbish..." "I would never do that." "You’re too considerate; you let people walk over you."




Although with good intentions, we’re literally telling them to do the opposite. We often say stuff like, "don’t be too considerate." "Don’t be too kind." "If they do this, you too do your own."


We sometimes forget they are not the problem; it is the perpetrator who needs to change!


My concern is that many spectators/victims in these situations often end up like the villain most of the time. This is because they don’t want to end up in the same situation. So they become unkind, because if they are kind, then someone will walk all over them. They demand perfection, but truly who is perfect?.. exactly, no one! They are often bitter, and call it tough skin. Unknowingly, they essentially are becoming the monsters they swore they would never dine with.



I write from personal experience and I have learned that a lot of the time you develop the same energy as the person you don't wanna be, simply because you don't wanna be like them, only to end up like them. (sorry if I confused you, please read it again lol).


Instead of investing time and energy in not wanting to be like someone, actually be like someone! The question is who is that someone for you? I’ll go first, it’s JESUS for me:)."

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